Things you can do to piss off your Starbucks barista.
Like I’ve mentioned before, I’ve worked at Starbucks for over five years, and I haven’t really learned much that’s applicable outside of a Starbucks. But I’ve learned a lot that pertains to the inner workings, and the customer/barista actions. These are things that people do that really piss me off.
1: Order your drink and neglect to mention a size. Stare at the barista blankly when he asks “What size?”
2: Order a caramel macchiatto when you really want a caramel frappuccino.
3: Order your drink. Watch the barista write it down on a hot cup. Wait to get your drink. Receive your drink, then say “Oh, I wanted it iced.”
4: Order a pastry by jabbing your finger against the case and saying “I want that.” There’s nametags in front of each pastry, also don’t get your goddamn finger smudges on the case.
5: When ordering a caramel frappuccino, and desiring extra caramel sauce, repeating the word ‘extra’ more than once in the order. I get it, you’re fat and you want a lot of caramel sauce. I’ll take care of you, just don’t make me hear you say ‘extra’ like six times.
6: Don’t have a fucking clue what the sizes are, and using the stupid made up names anyway, causing confusion when your tall drink is the smallest one. You can say small/medium/large, really, it’s ok.
7: Order a brewed coffee as if you’re championing the common man and making a stand against fancy coffee drinks. You make baristas happy when you order a brewed coffee, it’s like the easiest drink ever.
8: Assume we have a secret menu and order made up bullshit. I have no idea what a ‘Captain Crunch’ or a ‘Snickermocha’ is, please don’t ask for one by name.
9: Be on your cell phone while ordering.
10: Order two drinks, but only get charged for one due to a miscommunication. Don’t notice that you were drastically undercharged, then throw a fit when only one drink comes through the handout counter.
11: After ordering, head to the handout counter and grab the first drink the barista puts out.
12: Call the whipped cream ‘cool whip’.
13: Order your drink, pay for it, and continue standing in front of the register for no discernible reason.
14: Stand in line, but don’t think about what you want, or get your money out until you actually get to the register.
15: Order a drink for a friend who isn’t present. When asked for clarification on something they neglected to mention (Size, hot/iced, etc), get out your cell phone and call them.
16: Walk in and order coffee travelers, instead of calling ahead by as little as ten minutes.
17: Ask what the healthiest thing in the pastry case is.
18: After ordering, crowd around the handout counter and talk loudly, thus ensuring no one can hear their drink get called, and even if they did, they’d have to maneuver around you and your friends.
19: After ordering, going and sitting as far away from the handout counter as you can, thus ensuring you won’t hear when your drinks are called.
20: If the barista waves you up to the register, but there’s someone standing slightly in front of you or off to the side, assume that they’re in line before you, and the barista has no idea how the line works, and is incorrect for waving you up.
21: Come up to the register and order an alcoholic drink jokingly. No one’s ever done that before.
22: Ask if we sell fountain sodas or candy bars or other things like that.
23: Return a cup you bought because liquid inside of it slowly drips out of it when you turn it upside down and shake it furiously. Because obviously that means it’s defective.
24: Stand by the handout counter and ask the barista each time he calls out a drink “What was that?”.
25: Talk about the sizes mockingly. Yes, they’re stupid. No, we didn’t come up with the names. No, we have no power over it.
That’s it for now. I might add some later, but right now I’m tired.